Summer Visting Tips for Non-Custodial Parents

For non-custodial parents, summertime guardianship can be both exciting and nervous-making. Though your weekend and holiday visits go well, these are limited engagements. With summer approaching, you have the pleasure and the task of a full season’s worth of care. 

How will you keep your child entertained for twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for three whole months? Here several tips that will help you make the most of this extended visit.

Make a Plan. Before your child arrives, ask her about things she would like to do over the summer. To this list, add movies, restaurants, amusement parks, and other sites that might interest her. Create an itinerary then review this with your child and your ex-spouse. Discussing these plans will help you prepare and will increase your child’s excitement about her summer stay.

Make a Budget. In this budget, plan for one special event a week as well as an allowance for your child. Avoid the temptation to overindulge.  According to clinical psychologist Dr. Edward Reitman, “Divorced parents, or those who are frequently gone, often attempt to compensate with gifts.” (http://www.dredreitman.com/article_detail.asp?cat=children&ID=92) Remember, during this summer break, you are parenting your child, not simply hanging out with her.

Make Rules. When is bedtime? How many friends are allowed to sleepover? And how late is too late for cell phone chatting? For the answers to these and other questions, create boundaries and limits. According to John E. Desrochers of the National Association of School Psychologists, the parenting style most associated with well-adjusted children is one where parents have rules and expectations for appropriate behavior. (http://www.nasponline.org/resources/parenting/divorce_ho.aspx)

Make a Schedule. In this schedule, include chores, snack times, check-in times, and study sessions for any summer reading or assignments your child may have.  Consider enrolling your child in a sports or academic camp. Having scheduled daily activities will keep your child engaged and ensure some level of supervision.

Make Space. Give your child freedom to plan dates with friends, to visit relatives, or to simply watch television alone. Allowing this type of independence will show respect for your child’s personal space. This will also relieve you of the job of being the sole source of entertainment.

Make Friends. For your child, that is. Plan gatherings with colleagues who have children around your daughter’s age. Also, introduce her to kids in the neighborhood.  Doing so will help her build her own community of friends.

For non-custodial parents, summertime guardianship provides an opportunity to create lasting memories and deepen the bond between you and your child. A little preparation, which includes a parenting-centered plan, will make this time meaningful and fun.